Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:01.604 --> 00:00:04.171
Welcome back to Narrowing the Divide.
00:00:04.171 --> 00:00:10.173
Today I'm pleased to be joined by oh my goodness, by Joe Pomeroy.
00:00:10.173 --> 00:00:13.167
Joe and I have been friends now for a couple years.
00:00:13.167 --> 00:00:15.707
Joe is a podcaster.
00:00:15.707 --> 00:00:17.666
He's also a coach.
00:00:17.666 --> 00:00:45.953
We connected because I was part of the Million Dollar Mastermind with Ray Edwards and as part of or as a member of that mastermind experience and some of the copywriting training that was taking place, I was pleased to be introduced to Joe as my coach through some of those experiences and we have maintained a relationship for it's been about three or four years now.
00:00:45.953 --> 00:00:47.844
Joe, welcome to the show.
00:00:47.844 --> 00:00:48.387
First of all.
00:00:49.048 --> 00:00:49.511
Thank you, Dan.
00:00:49.511 --> 00:00:51.546
I'm excited to be having this conversation with you.
00:00:52.268 --> 00:00:54.003
Me too, and I'll just share.
00:00:54.003 --> 00:01:03.770
I got hung up at the introduction here because, right as the countdown timer was going off, Joe said I'd appreciate some freestyle rap from you too.
00:01:07.500 --> 00:01:08.623
I think all the listeners would.
00:01:08.623 --> 00:01:09.325
I think we all would?
00:01:09.888 --> 00:01:16.551
I don't know, joe, I don't know that anyone would appreciate hearing that from me we'll do that as an.
00:01:16.570 --> 00:01:18.055
We'll do that as an independent episode.
00:01:18.055 --> 00:01:19.480
I apologize for putting you on the spot.
00:01:19.480 --> 00:01:25.453
With that, you can create your own individual episode of Freestyle Rap, and we'll see how that does in downloads.
00:01:27.462 --> 00:01:30.170
I guess I'd have to figure out how to freestyle rap first.
00:01:30.170 --> 00:01:34.489
There is that as a challenge.
00:01:34.489 --> 00:01:42.768
Speaking of challenges, you know you're on the Narrowing the Divide podcast and that's one of the things I really like to dig into.
00:01:42.768 --> 00:01:50.596
You have actually helped me quite a bit with honing in more and more on this podcast into where I want to go.
00:01:50.596 --> 00:02:09.665
We had a conversation just the other day that helped me to see and this isn't about me, but I'll take a minute to help me to see exactly where I'm inspired to be with regards to the content I'm creating and narrowing the divide.
00:02:09.725 --> 00:02:12.412
It wasn't just a random name I came up with.
00:02:12.412 --> 00:02:15.288
There is more to it that I keep uncovering.
00:02:15.288 --> 00:02:23.734
It seems like almost weekly, but I've tuned into the space of what do we call it?
00:02:23.734 --> 00:02:38.435
It's the ugly pieces that people tend to fast forward over were your words and you know, from a major event or a turning point in someone's life into what they're doing now.
00:02:38.435 --> 00:02:50.507
They don't spend much time talking about what that space looked like and what the actual next steps were, so I hope we can get to some of that with you today, joe.
00:02:50.507 --> 00:03:08.973
Well, I'd love for listeners to first hear more about the kind of coaching you do because really you're helping from a holistic perspective to bring families together, families of those people who are also self-employed or entrepreneurs, right.
00:03:09.614 --> 00:03:10.534
Yeah, absolutely.
00:03:10.534 --> 00:03:15.628
You know there's so many, I think so much in the entrepreneurial world.
00:03:15.628 --> 00:03:21.953
We get focused on the business that we're trying to build and so many people that become entrepreneurs that are married, that have kids.
00:03:21.953 --> 00:03:23.979
They want to do it for their family.
00:03:23.979 --> 00:03:38.842
I'm doing this for my family because I want freedom and flexibility of finances, of time, and so it's all about family for them, and yet the family ends up sitting on the wayside while they try, try, try, try, try to build this thing.
00:03:38.842 --> 00:03:43.173
And I think that I've discovered that that's out of order.
00:03:43.173 --> 00:03:47.731
It's out of order based on principles that I believe in and that I've come to discover.
00:03:47.731 --> 00:03:58.590
It's out of order based on my own experiences that I went through and almost losing my marriage and damaging my family, and it's just out of order.
00:03:58.590 --> 00:04:10.907
Because what's the point in building this flexible, multi-million dollar enterprise from the ground up and look what I've done and it's amazing.
00:04:10.907 --> 00:04:18.889
And I've built this and all these people that I get to support and help, and yet I go home and they're strangers or I.
00:04:19.290 --> 00:04:20.471
That's so wonderful.
00:04:20.471 --> 00:04:25.108
I'm my or is going to be, because you just made me reflect on quite a bit.
00:04:25.108 --> 00:04:39.024
You know I've worked with 48 Days in like the career coaching space, among other things, and I think to something that's come across my desk a number of times.
00:04:39.024 --> 00:04:41.045
Actually, I have two thoughts.
00:04:41.045 --> 00:04:59.934
So first one is in any career, we can easily fall into the trap of achieving the next level of success, and what my thought was that then we turn around and we're, you know, 40, 50 years old.
00:04:59.934 --> 00:05:12.189
We look around and there's no one left to cheer for us when we finally feel like we've made it, and it's because of the sacrifices that we choose to make.
00:05:12.189 --> 00:05:13.512
I did that in the military, joe.
00:05:13.512 --> 00:05:17.244
I spent here we go, you ready.
00:05:18.204 --> 00:05:30.742
So in the military, I realized in my divorce in 2017 that part of my contribution to that relationship was focusing on the wrong things.
00:05:30.742 --> 00:05:35.932
I focused on the mission that I was taught to put first.
00:05:35.932 --> 00:05:39.884
Of course, that's sort of the mentality and the approach Mission first.
00:05:39.884 --> 00:05:53.110
We're family-oriented, but only when you have time, type of thing and I believed in that mission and so I put it to the forefront and then, when I turned around, there was nothing there.
00:05:53.110 --> 00:05:54.485
So I get that.
00:05:55.482 --> 00:05:56.305
I had the other thought.
00:05:56.305 --> 00:06:01.028
I lost it so I might come back to it, but I think there's so much value in the work you're doing.
00:06:01.028 --> 00:06:28.987
Oh, the other thought was I had a coaching conversation just yesterday with a young lady and that's one of the things that we together realized in her world is she was burning herself out in work focus and sacrificing health, which also impacted her family, and so we helped shift some of that in our conversation and it was just a delight to see those aha moments.
00:06:28.987 --> 00:06:30.432
So I love the work you're doing.
00:06:30.432 --> 00:06:35.668
I think it's much needed in all kinds of space.
00:06:35.668 --> 00:06:38.613
You know, male, female doesn't matter it's.
00:06:38.613 --> 00:06:50.742
If you're not focusing on family first and building that, then I don't think you can be nearly as successful or reach your maximum potential in business.
00:06:52.007 --> 00:06:52.286
Thoughts.
00:06:52.286 --> 00:07:05.533
Yeah, you know you talked about the cheering you on part, and I think one of the loneliest, difficult things that someone can do is try to build a business.
00:07:05.533 --> 00:07:11.882
I don't think you know people talk about being a solopreneur, an entrepreneur, and it can be.
00:07:11.882 --> 00:07:15.752
You can get very isolated, especially if you're doing something in the online space.
00:07:15.752 --> 00:07:17.365
It's really easy.
00:07:17.365 --> 00:07:26.540
It's been really easy for me to spend an entire week just sitting in my office at my computer and not having any conversations with anybody.
00:07:26.540 --> 00:07:31.682
I mean, that was the norm when I first got started and I think that's true for a lot of entrepreneurs.
00:07:31.682 --> 00:07:42.221
I think that's why you see so many people wanting to jump on webinars or join communities or masterminds or group coaching or things to have that connection, and that's a good thing.
00:07:42.221 --> 00:07:43.603
I don't think that's bad.
00:07:43.603 --> 00:07:45.906
I think that can be very positive and very healthy.
00:07:45.906 --> 00:07:56.540
Dan, I know you've got your mastermind that you're building and developing and the people that you get to serve with that, and that's really useful and really powerful.
00:07:56.540 --> 00:08:16.887
The problem is is that if I am so isolated that I'm reaching out to make connections in all these different groups, then I'm focusing my time on those connections during business hours rather than building my business, and so it can actually become a distraction if not utilized properly.
00:08:16.887 --> 00:08:25.406
You get a whole bunch of cooks in the kitchen you and I have had a conversation about that, it was something that I was struggling with recently and too many cooks in the kitchen, and that's difficult.
00:08:25.406 --> 00:08:26.750
So what if?
00:08:26.750 --> 00:08:40.331
Oh, one more thought on that, actually, before I go into my what if?
00:08:40.331 --> 00:08:59.227
To be focusing on work, and yet they feel guilty that they're missing out on xyz with their kids, or that they ended up breaking abc promise to their spouse, and so there's this like I'm doing this for my family, but I'm not spending any time with my family.
00:08:59.227 --> 00:09:20.710
I don't think anybody's fully oblivious to the idea that they're not pouring into their families, that they're not developing that, that they're not helping with that, and so here I am supposed to be building my business and yet I feel distracted by not having this cheering section or these, this depth of relationship with my family, and it creates difficulty.
00:09:20.710 --> 00:09:22.293
And so what happens then?
00:09:22.332 --> 00:09:42.793
If, on the reverse of, okay, I'm going to be just as intentional with my family and those relationships, and that's where I'm getting my connection, and so then I don't need to go spend all of my business time on courses and communities and bouncing between Facebook groups and, you know, a hundred thousand dollar masterminds or whatever.
00:09:42.793 --> 00:09:44.065
I don't need to do all of that.
00:09:44.065 --> 00:09:45.408
I can be very selective.
00:09:45.408 --> 00:10:00.604
I can choose the right coach, the right community, have that singular element that actually supports and boosts my business, because I get other needs met with my relationships at home and then when I have a bad day, I go.
00:10:00.604 --> 00:10:03.706
I can go and communicate with my wife, I can go play with my kids.
00:10:03.706 --> 00:10:04.966
They're excited to see me.
00:10:04.966 --> 00:10:09.291
It's not like this oh, dad's here, we haven't seen him.
00:10:09.291 --> 00:10:11.869
He's back from this week-long thing that we haven't seen him.
00:10:11.869 --> 00:10:13.666
Oh, but he's only been upstairs in his office.
00:10:13.666 --> 00:10:24.595
There's none of that, and so it creates a totally different mental and emotional dynamic when you prioritize and become intentional with your family first.
00:10:25.740 --> 00:10:34.474
I love so much about what you've said and I just want to add a couple points that I've observed and partially observed in myself.
00:10:34.474 --> 00:11:05.293
I have this immediacy associated with responding to inquiries from people, responding to requests on social media or other things, and I just want to say, because I'm practicing this is it's okay to allow that to sit while you focus on the things that are important.
00:11:05.293 --> 00:11:24.513
Yes, your business is important, but I think, all in all, we're saying here that you know, if it's at the sacrifice of what means the most to you in your personal relationships, then think about that before you decide that something needs to be addressed right now.
00:11:24.513 --> 00:11:29.530
In fact, we have another mutual friend who's a coach, cliff Ravenscraft.
00:11:29.530 --> 00:11:31.217
I just had him on the podcast.
00:11:31.217 --> 00:11:39.282
It was published a couple of weeks ago, I think by the time this comes out, and he didn't talk about this.
00:11:39.361 --> 00:11:49.360
But I've heard him say that there was a point in his career where he had that same immediacy and then he realized well, why?
00:11:49.360 --> 00:11:51.885
Why am I doing that?
00:11:51.885 --> 00:11:56.535
I can submit a help request.
00:11:56.535 --> 00:12:00.102
It's not something that I can directly impact right now.
00:12:00.102 --> 00:12:02.285
Anyway, there was a challenge with something technical.
00:12:02.285 --> 00:12:37.027
It might have been podcast related, but it was impacting his ability to complete a task and I can, instead of submitting a help ticket and then waiting around on fire to ensure I'm there the moment this gets resolved, I can submit my help ticket, still go to dinner and enjoy company with my wife and I'm probably not doing this story enough justice but still go to dinner with my wife, come back and see what the status is.
00:12:37.027 --> 00:12:42.102
I don't have to be there with any kind of immediate need to check on it consistently.
00:12:42.102 --> 00:12:46.927
They're going to do their part, they're going to come back, everything's going to be okay.
00:12:46.927 --> 00:12:50.753
It's just not right this second.
00:12:50.753 --> 00:12:54.235
I think that's a great reminder.
00:13:00.899 --> 00:13:01.140
It is for me.
00:13:01.140 --> 00:13:02.104
So I thought that I'd add that, joe, I like that.
00:13:02.104 --> 00:13:03.048
I want to jump in on two things with that.
00:13:03.048 --> 00:13:10.149
One is the irony of something you said, and then I want to share a story of how I actually overcame that issue myself.
00:13:10.149 --> 00:13:16.028
So the irony in the story is that family's important, work's important, like I love that.
00:13:16.028 --> 00:13:16.730
You said, hey, it's.
00:13:16.990 --> 00:13:27.923
It's not that your business is not important, your business is important, especially if we have, if someone's doing a purpose driven business where they really feel called to do something.
00:13:27.923 --> 00:13:32.488
You know, I don't even know if I want to say especially on that, because I don't care what you're doing.
00:13:32.488 --> 00:13:35.623
If you're trying to build a business that serves other people, it's important.
00:13:35.623 --> 00:13:48.508
But you really clarified something where you said what's most important and there's only the priorities, isn't a word, it's something that we made up.
00:13:48.508 --> 00:13:54.732
It's something that's been added to the dictionary because it got used enough, like for shizzle or something like that.
00:13:54.732 --> 00:14:01.650
Like never in human history was for shizzle a word, but you can go find it in the dictionary now because it's been used enough.
00:14:01.650 --> 00:14:03.167
It's the same with priorities.
00:14:03.167 --> 00:14:18.529
By definition, you can only have one priority and so and I think even with that, there's seasons for things that determine whether it's the most important or important.
00:14:18.990 --> 00:14:28.613
You know, during the day, my family is always most important in terms of how I'm going to prioritize my life and who I'm going to put first.
00:14:28.613 --> 00:14:35.419
And during the day, when I'm doing business, hey, I'm not just going to sit around and we're homeschooling our kids.
00:14:35.419 --> 00:14:41.472
I'm not just going to sit there with my kids and stare at them and be holding my wife's hand while she's trying to teach the kids and be like you guys are most important.
00:14:41.472 --> 00:14:44.111
I can't go anywhere else or do anything else kids and be like you guys are most important.
00:14:44.111 --> 00:14:54.614
I can't go anywhere else or do anything else, like that's, that's not what this is, but it's say, okay, this is a time where I'm going to focus on my business so that I can go full on with my family later today and be present and stuff.
00:14:55.100 --> 00:14:59.839
So it's just, I think, one of the ironies when we're trying to say everything is important.
00:14:59.839 --> 00:15:07.309
Yeah, everything is important, but what's most important and what are you doing to intentionally prioritize that while still meeting your other needs?
00:15:07.309 --> 00:15:16.067
And here's how I overcame a quick story on how I overcame the immediate need to like respond.
00:15:16.067 --> 00:15:17.951
It really is a Pavlov's dog.
00:15:17.951 --> 00:15:40.253
I mean, you can go find any number of studies they've done and any number of stories about the ding that goes off on your phone and the notifications, and how social platforms like specifically adjust when things go out to create the greatest, frankly, the greatest addiction.
00:15:41.316 --> 00:15:59.240
Um, I was gonna say, for lack of a better word, but I actually think that's the most appropriate word I think you're probably right so what I did is is I found my wife and I are driving our kids and in our minivan and I love minivans, so I'm a proud minivan owner um, it's just so practical.
00:15:59.240 --> 00:15:59.942
But I digress.
00:15:59.942 --> 00:16:21.274
So we're driving, we'd be driving in our minivan with our kids, and it's like a text message would pop up or something, and it doesn't matter all the studies about the danger of texting and driving, it doesn't matter, like you know, because everyone's convinced it won't even bring my wife into this.
00:16:21.274 --> 00:16:32.341
I was convinced I could both steer the car, check my phone, I'd look up and down fast enough where I'd be okay, and I was so aware of my surroundings.
00:16:32.341 --> 00:16:33.205
Everything would be fine.
00:16:34.149 --> 00:16:47.482
And then I decided one day and I think it was partially because it's easier to see those things in someone else and I was frustrated that my wife was doing it and I thought, well, that's awfully hypocritical.
00:16:47.482 --> 00:16:49.768
Like she's, I'm doing it.
00:16:49.768 --> 00:16:52.092
And it's like oh, but no, dan, you don't understand.
00:16:52.092 --> 00:16:57.301
It's okay for me to do it because I won't have anything happen, but she shouldn't do it, right, that's it.
00:16:57.301 --> 00:16:57.881
That doesn't work.
00:16:57.881 --> 00:17:17.192
So I decided I just told my kids one day when I was taking them to school, uh, before we were homeschooling, I said hey, kids, if you see my me touch my phone, unless I'm stopped at a red light, if you see me touch my phone, you can just immediately start going precious cargo, precious cargo, precious cargo.
00:17:17.192 --> 00:17:29.304
Okay, and you do that until I put my phone down and um, and then we started doing that phone down and and then we started doing that.
00:17:29.304 --> 00:17:34.153
And then I had to clarify that they needed to do it in a nice tone instead of like a like, because there's like precious cargo.
00:17:34.153 --> 00:17:37.922
Dad and I was like that doesn't work, guys, it's got to be a nice tone.
00:17:38.563 --> 00:17:42.767
But it took, maybe it took.
00:17:42.767 --> 00:17:43.227
Maybe.
00:17:43.227 --> 00:17:47.510
It was pretty instant where I would put down my phone.
00:17:47.510 --> 00:18:01.753
And it took maybe two, two to three weeks for the impulse to go away, even though, like I'd hear something and it'd be like this chemical reaction or something in my body that I wanted to grab it and check it.
00:18:01.753 --> 00:18:06.071
But I knew if I did, my kids would start going precious cargo, precious cargo.
00:18:06.071 --> 00:18:12.709
And it took about three weeks before, like I don't even care, like it doesn't even matter.
00:18:12.709 --> 00:18:31.429
And now that's translated to how I function in business, how I function when I'm not in the car, when I'm at home, if I'm going to go be with my kids, my phone's oftentimes in a different room, not always and if I hear it go off or I hear a text message like my wife or my kids, they'll be like oh, what's that, who's that?
00:18:31.429 --> 00:18:37.722
And I'm like doesn't matter, I'm here with you guys, we're good, and it all came from this one little precious cargo thing.
00:18:43.550 --> 00:18:46.674
I said I wasn't going to do that, but it seemed appropriate.
00:18:46.674 --> 00:18:47.236
I liked it.
00:18:47.236 --> 00:18:48.641
I love that.
00:18:48.641 --> 00:18:59.532
What a great testament to how you overcame that and what a great reminder, because I do believe it only takes a split second right.
00:18:59.532 --> 00:19:07.383
We think we can look down and back up and we're aware enough of our surroundings, but I see it every day and it's a shame.
00:19:07.383 --> 00:19:16.326
So I love that you shared a practical how to, and I hope that someone can take that away, if nothing else, from this conversation.
00:19:16.326 --> 00:19:19.362
I'm taking away that this has already been a lot of fun.
00:19:19.362 --> 00:19:22.307
But no, there's no.
00:19:22.307 --> 00:19:24.490
But I want to do it a little bit.
00:19:24.490 --> 00:19:27.295
I do want to shift gears slightly.
00:19:27.295 --> 00:19:28.726
I want to talk more.
00:19:29.580 --> 00:19:35.969
You mentioned a couple things early on and I'm just going to ask the question you know what led you down this path of coaching?
00:19:35.969 --> 00:19:41.192
Because you said that you know you almost failed in your marriage.
00:19:41.192 --> 00:19:48.064
I don't know if that's exactly how you phrased it failed in your marriage, I don't know if that's exactly how you phrased it.
00:19:48.064 --> 00:19:54.214
But then you also said that you mentioned people who are called to their work, and I'm curious which one that is for you.
00:19:54.214 --> 00:19:57.894
Now, before you answer that, joe, I do want to hit one other thing.
00:19:58.136 --> 00:20:03.007
You brought up some really good points about priorities and this just came to mind.
00:20:03.007 --> 00:20:09.704
I'm not an affiliate for this at all, but I do love Michael Hyatt's full focus planner.
00:20:09.704 --> 00:20:24.305
What I really love about that and it aligns with what you said is it allows you to establish your big three for the day, for your week, and ideally those things align with your annual goals.
00:20:24.305 --> 00:20:38.147
And so each quarter you kind of go through this process of aligning those and then at the start of the week you align those and then the start of each day you have the opportunity to align those and it's really easy for people to get caught up on.
00:20:38.509 --> 00:21:26.383
Here's my big goals for work, but it's really simple to say my big three for the day are finding a way to spend time with what's most important to me, or my family, where, where you are with not where you are, but how you got into the world of coaching and focusing on these family relationships yeah, well, um, I had one little argument with my wife that lasted about 13 seconds and I realized you, you know, if it can happen to me, it can happen to anybody.
00:21:26.383 --> 00:21:28.288
And the rest of my marriage has been perfection.
00:21:28.288 --> 00:21:30.483
I thought I need to teach people how to be perfect like me.
00:21:30.483 --> 00:21:33.289
So that's really what led to this.
00:21:33.289 --> 00:21:35.201
No, not at all, obviously.
00:21:35.201 --> 00:21:38.345
No, it actually.
00:21:38.345 --> 00:21:47.976
So I I've always enjoyed dreaming and imagining and wondering what's possible.
00:21:47.976 --> 00:21:53.631
And then I kind of got introduced to the entrepreneurial mindset.
00:21:53.691 --> 00:22:01.426
Probably my early 20s and I was going to school and I was studying business and man, I loved business.
00:22:01.426 --> 00:22:07.359
I thought about doing psychology, but I got involved in marketing because I want to do something with business and thought about doing psychology, but I got involved in marketing because I want to do something with business and marketing is basically psychology.
00:22:07.359 --> 00:22:13.113
You're using human psychology in order to be able to promote and develop whatever product or business.
00:22:13.113 --> 00:22:15.484
So that was fascinating and all of it made sense.
00:22:15.484 --> 00:22:18.789
And I had a supply chain teacher.
00:22:18.789 --> 00:22:24.049
He was phenomenal in the way he laid things out and I was like, oh yeah, a to B and B to C and C to D.
00:22:24.049 --> 00:22:35.549
And he laid things out and I was like, oh yeah, a to B and B to C and C to D, and oh, it all makes sense, everything, everything makes sense, everything's figureoutable, um, like Marie Forleo or uh says, or whatever.
00:22:35.549 --> 00:22:45.710
So, and um, and then I got married and I thought, hey, piece of cake, like I know how to communicate, I'm a great communicator like consistently being complimented on it.
00:22:45.990 --> 00:23:01.445
And and around the time that I got married, I had uh was only about maybe seven or eight months into helping to build a business from the ground up, uh, and that business was able to build into an eight figure juggernaut.
00:23:01.445 --> 00:23:03.009
And then we were doing.
00:23:03.009 --> 00:23:12.996
We were doing in a single month what most companies do in that industry in one to three years, and we were doing every single month.
00:23:12.996 --> 00:23:15.060
And so I'd helped with that.
00:23:15.060 --> 00:23:17.808
And while I was helping with that, I'm figuring out this marriage thing.
00:23:17.808 --> 00:23:33.284
And I was earning my master's degree in strategic development and I enrolled in an entrepreneurial contest and international contest and got in the top three on that and, you know, won that competition and just all these different things going on.
00:23:34.488 --> 00:23:35.410
And I'm feeling really good.
00:23:35.410 --> 00:23:36.882
Right, I'm getting all this outside praise.
00:23:36.882 --> 00:23:37.784
Oh Joe, you won this.
00:23:37.784 --> 00:23:39.348
You know you won this competition.
00:23:39.348 --> 00:23:40.432
That's awesome, oh Joe.
00:23:40.432 --> 00:23:47.820
Hey, business is building and employees love me and clients love me and I'm the go-to problem solver, like hey.
00:23:47.820 --> 00:23:56.555
If someone comes in angry and frustrated, send them to Joe, because Joe can turn them in from taking, from being frustrated on the call to being a raving fan by the end of it.
00:23:56.555 --> 00:24:00.068
And yet I'm having challenges at home.
00:24:00.068 --> 00:24:13.228
Well, it's obvious, dan, that if all these outside things are going well and yet there's a problem at home, it was clearly my wife Okay, because I do great everywhere else, so clearly she's the problem.
00:24:15.101 --> 00:24:18.268
And was that actually your perspective in the moment?
00:24:18.829 --> 00:24:21.625
Oh yeah, oh yeah, super arrogant.
00:24:21.625 --> 00:24:33.020
I've never really considered myself an arrogant individual but I was absolutely arrogant in that, absolutely.
00:24:33.020 --> 00:24:51.336
And and my, my wife and I for, as introverted as I can be, where I'm like I'm totally good Just sitting to myself, listen to an audio book, you know, the whole week, even before I was married, and like I don't have to go out and do stuff to.
00:24:51.336 --> 00:25:05.901
As extroverted as my wife can be, as extroverted as my wife can be as far as communication goes, like hers just comes natural, like when she feels comfortable and she talks but getting she's not going to get on the debate stage with anybody, she's not going to get in any like that's just not her, she doesn't want to have those conversations.
00:25:05.901 --> 00:25:18.553
Whereas me I'm like, bring it, let's go, um, and so that, because she didn't want to do that, have those conversations where I was like, hey, this isn't working, this element's not working, let's talk about it.
00:25:18.553 --> 00:25:22.369
And she's just like, what do you want me to say?
00:25:22.369 --> 00:25:25.688
Kind of thing that just supported my evidence.
00:25:25.688 --> 00:25:30.128
I mean, I'm this great communicator.
00:25:30.128 --> 00:25:31.545
She was clearly the problem.
00:25:31.545 --> 00:25:45.164
Well, that kind of arrogance doesn't serve a marriage well, doesn't serve love well, it doesn't serve service well.
00:25:47.409 --> 00:26:00.816
And the truth of the matter was is that I had some skeletons in my closet that I believed, once she knew of those challenges from my past and even some things in my present, that she was going to leave me anyway.
00:26:00.816 --> 00:26:03.163
So I was only half.
00:26:03.163 --> 00:26:10.346
I was, you know, I had one foot out just in case, just in case, and one night everything came.
00:26:10.346 --> 00:26:16.744
We're arguing about something that was so important I'm not exactly sure what it was Important to whom yeah, ironic.
00:26:16.744 --> 00:26:18.635
Exactly sure what it was important?
00:26:18.635 --> 00:26:19.440
Yeah, oh, ironic.
00:26:19.440 --> 00:26:22.605
Well, I was being ironic, dan it it?
00:26:22.605 --> 00:26:28.730
It was quote, unquote so important that right now I don't remember exactly what it was.
00:26:28.730 --> 00:26:35.750
It had something to do with she wanted to do something and I didn't want to do that thing, and but she said so-and-so, said we should do it.
00:26:35.750 --> 00:26:46.607
I don't even remember what it was and yet at the moment it felt so important that we just got in this big old argument and it wasn't our first but this argument.
00:26:47.090 --> 00:26:59.926
I got so frustrated that I turned around and we were in our upstairs hallway and we had some cupboards that lined one of the walls of the hallway and I was barefooted and I just threw this to my embarrassment.
00:26:59.926 --> 00:27:27.634
I threw this man-sized fit and kicked in the cupboard door with my barefoot and I'm just holding on to the top and I'm just kicking it with my barefoot and my wife walks behind me and heads downstairs and I can't really hear anything until I'm done throwing my tantrum and the cupboard door is destroyed and it's hanging by one screw left on the top like there's like this L shape and the rest of it's just obliterated all over the upstairs hallway and as I stop and start to catch my breath, I hear her grabbing her keys.
00:27:27.634 --> 00:27:32.849
She's leaving, she's headed for the door and the other thing that happened is that the adrenaline faded away.
00:27:32.849 --> 00:27:35.728
I felt this throbbing pain pulse up from my heel.
00:27:35.728 --> 00:27:38.055
Happen is that the adrenaline faded away.
00:27:38.055 --> 00:27:58.163
I felt this throbbing pain pulse up from my heel and I looked down and I've got a chopstick sized piece of wood sticking out of my foot and I kind of hobble over and I'm trying to pull it out but I can't quite get it and I'm not fully focused because I'm still flustered and she's headed and I'm like she's leaving, like I didn't really want her to leave, I didn't really think.
00:27:58.163 --> 00:28:13.492
You know, I was just saying things because I was angry, right and um, and I, like I sit down at the top of the stairs and I've got blood dripping down under our carpet and she's opening the door and I know I have to say something, but I don't know what to say.
00:28:18.000 --> 00:28:39.212
Dan, I think most of the time as entrepreneurs we talked earlier in our conversation about priorities, what's important, what's most important and I think most of the time we have an idea of what we think is most important but we haven't really sat down and committed to what's most important.
00:28:39.212 --> 00:28:50.752
We haven't really taken the time to develop this vision of our future, what we actually want, what fits into it and why things are or are not as important as others.
00:28:50.752 --> 00:29:09.151
And in this moment, as I'm sitting there, it was like everything slowed way down and just in my mind, I'm just all these images of experiences we'd already had together, laughing and smiling and joking, and experiences.
00:29:09.151 --> 00:29:18.571
I wanted to have places that I've been, like New Zealand or other places that I wanted to be able to share with her and show her, and all these different things.
00:29:18.571 --> 00:29:27.528
And I realized what I wanted was a happy, healthy marriage and I wanted her, not just a marriage.
00:29:27.528 --> 00:29:37.994
I wanted her and I needed to say something, and me as the great communicator was going to come up with something fabulous no, I didn't say something.
00:29:37.994 --> 00:29:42.560
And me, as the great communicator was going to come up with something fabulous no, I didn't.
00:29:42.560 --> 00:29:45.164
I just opened my mouth and it came out sloppy and ugly.
00:29:45.164 --> 00:29:46.748
And wait, wait, please wait, don't go, I need help.
00:29:46.748 --> 00:29:57.232
And then, like, she just stood there for a minute at the door the door's partway open she's just standing there and I don't know what she's going to do.
00:29:59.401 --> 00:30:05.554
It's in these moments that I think we really have the opportunity to decide what's truly most important, what's truly most valuable.