Coaching Isn’t a Product: Building Relationships and Focus for Success

Transcript

WEBVTT

00:00:00.901 --> 00:00:03.024
Welcome back to Deep Dive Dialogues.

00:00:03.024 --> 00:00:08.335
I am still your host, Dan Woerheide, and this is episode number seven.

00:00:08.335 --> 00:00:20.736
Today I want to go back and revisit a conversation we already had, and that's the connection phase as it relates to the prosperous coach approach to building a coaching business.

00:00:20.736 --> 00:00:28.003
Coaching business.

00:00:28.003 --> 00:00:30.710
I talked about this, I believe, in episode four as a starting point.

00:00:30.710 --> 00:00:32.473
If you haven't yet, I'd say go back and listen to that episode.

00:00:32.473 --> 00:00:33.356
You can find it at podcast.

00:00:33.356 --> 00:00:36.884
danwus forward, slash four, the number four.

00:00:38.429 --> 00:00:57.950
So I know I still have to cover the invite, create and propose phases, but I did want to come back to connection because I think for so many people, including me, we tend to get stuck here when we're working to build a prosperous coaching business, but connection is where everything begins.

00:00:57.950 --> 00:01:02.886
I think it's the bridge between what we offer and the people who need it.

00:01:02.886 --> 00:01:06.112
But we can't get there without the connection.

00:01:06.112 --> 00:01:08.844
So why is this phase so challenging?

00:01:08.844 --> 00:01:26.292
I think it's because connection requires us, as individuals, to go beyond that surface level interaction and into the messy, vulnerable, personal realm of human relationships, and I had to learn this lesson the hard way.

00:01:26.292 --> 00:01:33.212
So I want to share two stories with you today that might help shed some light on this.

00:01:33.212 --> 00:01:41.546
This is something I've come across over the last couple days actually maybe the last week or so but I want to share those with you.

00:01:41.585 --> 00:01:53.397
Before I do, I want to say you know this is the third podcast show that I have produced, recorded, published and in my journey.

00:01:53.397 --> 00:02:19.800
I know I've said it a couple times and I've said it in a couple interviews with other podcasters that you know I tend to look at who I would invite to my barbecue when it comes to who I want to spend time with and create more relationship with, and when I look at who I want to invite to my barbecue, it tends to be more the people who are open to going beyond that surface level interaction.

00:02:19.800 --> 00:02:23.806
You know I'm happy to talk about beer.

00:02:23.806 --> 00:02:33.192
I spent several years living in Germany and I was exposed to some really good wine and some really good beer and I can talk about it, but it's not my favorite thing to discuss.

00:02:33.192 --> 00:02:53.241
Likewise, I can talk about some of the trends in current sports activities, but it doesn't really interest me to the level that I want to spend my time at a barbecue talking about the latest trades or the latest injuries or what my you know, what my team is doing or what their team is doing.

00:02:53.241 --> 00:03:05.331
Those things don't go very far in my opinion, and I'd much rather spend my time talking about problems that would help solve world challenges.

00:03:05.712 --> 00:03:12.908
I don't know, but something beyond the typical conversation, something much deeper, something personal.

00:03:12.908 --> 00:03:17.632
You know what challenges are you experiencing in in your house, raising your children?

00:03:17.632 --> 00:03:22.463
What you know, what are you looking at when it comes to the vehicles that you're driving?

00:03:22.463 --> 00:03:33.086
Are you experiencing challenges with finances, or are those cars you know on their last leg and you're trying to figure out how to manipulate that situation for your benefit?

00:03:33.086 --> 00:03:36.700
Not that I encourage manipulation, but just as an example.

00:03:37.260 --> 00:03:38.923
Anyway, let's move on to these stories.

00:03:38.923 --> 00:03:59.472
So you may have heard me say before recently I'm in, day like I don't know, 18 or 19 of the 75 hard journey and I've been pushing myself physically, mentally and emotionally and I was able to uncover some, I'll say, unexpected lessons.

00:03:59.472 --> 00:04:05.752
Maybe these are ideas that have come as a result of the work that I'm doing and I'll accept that as well.

00:04:05.752 --> 00:04:12.259
But this week in particular, or this past week as I'm recording this, I found myself reflecting on a couple things.

00:04:12.259 --> 00:04:19.305
One of them was Newton's third law, and that is, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

00:04:19.305 --> 00:04:21.807
I know it doesn't quite make sense.

00:04:21.807 --> 00:04:23.607
How does 75 hard fit into this?

00:04:23.740 --> 00:04:28.774
So let me back up because it started with a seemingly simple interview.

00:04:28.774 --> 00:04:34.307
I've been consuming a lot of podcasts while I'm exercising and I've been, of course, reading.

00:04:34.307 --> 00:04:45.454
I'm required to read a minimum of 10 pages a day, but I think I'm on book seven at this point and it's really got me re-engaged in something I already love to do.

00:04:45.454 --> 00:05:11.475
But I had sort of cast aside for a bit, and so I was listening to this interview that was done with Elon Musk, and Musk referred, as you might guess, to the laws of physics, had nothing to do with coaching or any of the direction I'm really trying to go, yet something seemed to inspire me to make a note and go back and research the basic principles and laws of physics.

00:05:11.475 --> 00:05:33.920
I'm not a physics major, nor do I really have an interest in physics, but when I went back and looked, my goal was to look for connections between those principles and how they might relate to building a business or coaching or the simple interest of serving others, and at first it was easy to connect the law, of course, in terms of fitness.

00:05:34.423 --> 00:05:37.093
Putting in the effort today creates results tomorrow.

00:05:37.093 --> 00:05:41.485
And I'm definitely seeing the fruit of my labor so far.

00:05:41.485 --> 00:05:48.345
Again, day 18 or 19, I'd have to go and look but you know it's definitely has been productive.

00:05:48.345 --> 00:05:54.603
My energy levels are good, my creativity levels are up and I'm really enjoying where I'm at now.

00:05:54.603 --> 00:06:05.423
And if you go back and listen to where I kind of started, that first week was really challenging in many ways and it's still challenging today, but it's a different kind of challenge and it feels different.

00:06:05.423 --> 00:06:09.612
So you know, putting in the effort today creates those results tomorrow.

00:06:09.732 --> 00:06:16.653
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how this principle applies to life and to coaching.

00:06:16.653 --> 00:06:21.629
When we show up to serve others, that service creates ripples.

00:06:21.629 --> 00:06:48.262
And I've talked about this with my good friend, Anita Anello, on her podcast and the ripple effect I think Sorry, Anita, but I do believe that was the name of her podcast at that point and even though the return might not be seen directly from the individual that we have contributed or served, contributed to or served it does come back to us.

00:06:48.262 --> 00:06:50.086
It has to come back to us.

00:06:50.086 --> 00:06:51.930
It's the law, right?

00:06:51.930 --> 00:07:01.192
I was inspired by several things to go into and look at, so let me back up again, right?

00:07:01.233 --> 00:07:08.615
So it wasn't just that I was inspired by this interview, that this interview then connected me to Dan Miller.

00:07:08.615 --> 00:07:17.776
So Dan Miller, when I was in his community, um, was a wonderful mentor, wonderful coach to me and and so many others.

00:07:17.776 --> 00:07:22.649
And you know, if you've never experienced him, his podcast is still alive.

00:07:22.649 --> 00:07:33.353
It's 48 Days to the Work and Life you Love, and he's written a book and published a 25th anniversary edition on the same name.

00:07:33.353 --> 00:07:44.122
But anyway, Dan had recommended to his community on multiple occasions that I believe it was actually the month of November, I don't recall for sure.

00:07:44.122 --> 00:07:54.543
But to go and listen to for 30 days, commit to listening every day to the strangest secret by Earl Nightingale, and you'll.

00:07:54.543 --> 00:08:01.439
I have a note in my document here to go back and mention that.

00:08:01.439 --> 00:08:27.105
But the Strangest Secret by Earl Nightingale and in here he sort of alludes to some of these points and because of that I also started reengaging with the book Think and Grow Rich, which talks about some of these principles as well, and so it sort of all just came to light based on listening to the interview with Elon Musk, and then I was able to really tie it all together.

00:08:27.105 --> 00:08:31.975
I was inspired to create this episode for you, Anyway.

00:08:31.975 --> 00:08:39.998
So that realization made me reflect on the trap that I had fell into, and maybe you've found yourself in it too.

00:08:42.567 --> 00:08:46.721
When I first became a coach, I focused on financial coaching, Of course.

00:08:46.721 --> 00:08:54.985
I had received my certification as a master financial coach from Ramsey Solutions and I was eager to help people to achieve their financial goals.

00:08:54.985 --> 00:08:57.447
This was circa 2010.

00:08:57.447 --> 00:09:05.212
I was able to utilize that certification to provide training to multiple nation partners while I was in Afghanistan.

00:09:05.212 --> 00:09:13.677
How cool, as well, as you know some government civilians, but, more importantly, my peers, and then, when we came back, the civilians in the world around me.

00:09:14.719 --> 00:09:25.698
At the time, I was living in Northern Virginia, but what I ran into is that I also wanted to be able to start growing my business, so I started listening to all the different experts.

00:09:25.698 --> 00:09:28.868
I dove headfirst into the world of marketing.

00:09:28.868 --> 00:09:39.296
I wanted to be able to better market myself as a financial coach, and that's how I came across and invested in StoryBrand and becoming a certified guide.

00:09:39.296 --> 00:09:46.418
Through that process, I absorbed everything I could about storytelling, about messaging and about clear communication.

00:09:46.418 --> 00:09:54.697
These were powerful tools don't get me wrong but looking back, I realized that they, too, had become a distraction.

00:09:54.697 --> 00:09:55.806
Why?

00:09:55.806 --> 00:10:00.977
Because marketing works great for selling products or services, period.

00:10:01.926 --> 00:10:04.634
But coaching isn't a product.

00:10:04.634 --> 00:10:08.475
You might not need me to say that again, but I'm going to.

00:10:08.475 --> 00:10:11.313
Coaching isn't a product.

00:10:11.313 --> 00:10:14.533
It's not even a service in the traditional sense.

00:10:14.533 --> 00:10:17.073
Coaching is deeply relational.

00:10:17.073 --> 00:10:27.816
Coaching is about trust, about building authentic connection and about understanding, and you can't build these things through marketing.

00:10:27.816 --> 00:10:31.575
You have to develop those relationships.

00:10:31.575 --> 00:10:42.388
So here's the belief I've formed over the years is that people don't really buy coaching right over the years is that people don't really buy coaching right.

00:10:42.388 --> 00:10:43.831
It's still, even though it's become more and more popular.

00:10:43.831 --> 00:10:46.738
Coaching as a product is not what people are buying.

00:10:46.738 --> 00:10:52.086
They're buying what coaching can do for them, the transformation that you're able to bring to their lives.

00:10:52.086 --> 00:11:00.852
So the best way you can help them see that is through relationships, not any kind of marketing or advertising that you're doing.

00:11:00.852 --> 00:11:08.467
Curiosity, listening, creating a safe space for people to share their challenges that's what coaching is.

00:11:09.028 --> 00:11:17.652
People can't grasp the concept of coaching today because it is still somewhat ambiguous when they see marketing related to it.

00:11:17.652 --> 00:11:20.986
It's not clear what they're able to obtain from this.

00:11:20.986 --> 00:11:34.288
Again, even though it's more and more popular these days, it's still not clear to everyone that you might want to engage with what it can do for them, and so that doesn't happen in a marketing funnel or an ad campaign.

00:11:34.288 --> 00:11:44.809
It happens in one-on-one conversations where people can feel seen and heard, where they can feel your enthusiasm and curiosity.

00:11:44.809 --> 00:11:46.312
Think about it.

00:11:46.312 --> 00:11:48.437
Coaching is personal, right, it's intimate.

00:11:48.437 --> 00:11:52.852
It's most of the time, at least, I hope it's confidential.

00:11:52.852 --> 00:12:06.686
If I stand on my platform and I shout to the world here's what I can do for you as a coach, it may show confidence and expertise in me, but it doesn't build trust that I need to have those vulnerable conversations with people.

00:12:06.686 --> 00:12:15.975
Not usually anyway, they're not as willing to be vulnerable when it appears that way because they're not sure if you're then going to shout to the world about that.

00:12:15.975 --> 00:12:23.056
All right, I think I'm off my rant, my platform, for that one.

00:12:23.096 --> 00:12:24.287
Let's switch gears for a minute.

00:12:24.287 --> 00:12:28.476
I want to talk about another idea that's been on my mind this week.

00:12:28.476 --> 00:12:32.311
I told you I was inspired, and more each day.

00:12:32.311 --> 00:12:43.111
It's been really interesting to see and think about how the mind actually works, and it's a simple phrase, simple statement, and you probably have heard it before.

00:12:43.111 --> 00:12:46.033
You are what you think about.

00:12:46.033 --> 00:12:54.812
This concept has shown up in my life in so many ways lately, especially with the books I'm reading and the podcasts I'm listening to.

00:12:55.004 --> 00:13:08.288
But one moment stands out, and just this morning, as I'm recording this, on a Monday afternoon, I received a note from an economics professor in the class that I'm taking and it said check out the Forbes list.

00:13:08.288 --> 00:13:15.774
It's the Forbes 400 list that he'd sent to everyone in the class reminding us that we have an exam coming up, et cetera.

00:13:15.774 --> 00:13:25.876
But then he goes on to say despite what some professors might tell you, a simple premise lies at the heart of all this wealth, referring to the top 400.

00:13:25.876 --> 00:13:30.839
Serve your customers and society well and you will do well.

00:13:30.839 --> 00:13:34.729
There are good parallels to the invisible hand here.

00:13:34.729 --> 00:13:47.375
Now that goes back to a topic in economics that we had been looking at, but the idea is simple it's what we focus on expands, and it's one that's been shared by many great people.

00:13:47.865 --> 00:13:50.205
I've heard it in so many different formats.

00:13:50.205 --> 00:13:53.054
Tony Robbins says you feel what you focus on.

00:13:53.054 --> 00:13:58.758
He teaches that the thoughts and the emotions we give our energy to are going to shape our experiences.

00:13:58.758 --> 00:14:00.389
They do shape our experiences.

00:14:00.389 --> 00:14:08.111
When we focus on what's possible and what's good and what we can do to serve others, we can create more positive momentum in our lives.

00:14:08.111 --> 00:14:16.907
And then, of course, I'm listening to Earl Nightingale and I'm reading his books, and he said it really well as well you become what you think about.

00:14:16.907 --> 00:14:19.494
It's the cornerstone of his message.

00:14:19.573 --> 00:14:26.445
The Strangest Secret he explained that our minds are like fertile soil and he compared it to a farmer's field.

00:14:26.445 --> 00:14:26.784
And it's.

00:14:26.784 --> 00:14:38.432
Whatever we plant in our minds, good or bad, is what we will grow, what we will reap from those seeds, Good, bad or indifferent.

00:14:38.432 --> 00:14:44.850
Our minds don't care what we put into it, it's going to produce what we give it, good or bad.

00:14:44.850 --> 00:14:48.176
Another version comes from a guy named James Allen.

00:14:48.176 --> 00:14:54.658
In as a man Thinketh, Allen wrote that as a man thinketh in his heart.

00:14:54.658 --> 00:14:55.941
So is he.

00:14:55.941 --> 00:15:08.312
So it's just another version of the same statement and he's, you know, stating that that our thoughts are the seeds of our reality, shaping not only our actions but the world around us.

00:15:09.221 --> 00:15:13.591
And I love Viktor Frankl and his stories that he shared in his journey.

00:15:13.591 --> 00:15:17.570
What an impressive experience that he shared with the world.

00:15:17.570 --> 00:15:26.591
He's, of course, a very well-known psychiatrist and more importantly, I think, or what connects with me, is his Holocaust stories.

00:15:26.591 --> 00:15:30.283
As a survivor of the Holocaust and in the man's search for meaning.

00:15:30.283 --> 00:15:34.142
He wrote about this between stimulus and response, there is a space.

00:15:34.142 --> 00:15:37.751
In that space is our power to choose our response.

00:15:37.751 --> 00:15:51.835
In our response lies our growth and our freedom, and he's reminding us all that we have the power to focus our minds, even in the most challenging circumstances, and shape our reality through the choices that we make.

00:15:53.020 --> 00:16:11.364
So let's bring this back around now full circle, to how all of this is relevant to you and building your business as a coach or a consultant, or just maybe not just as a coach or a consultant, or just maybe not just.

00:16:11.364 --> 00:16:13.549
There's no, ever, just anything but a creator working to build an online business.

00:16:13.549 --> 00:16:18.423
Right, these ideas are as relevant to your business as they are to our lives.

00:16:18.423 --> 00:16:30.302
When we focus our minds on serving others and listening deeply and creating those meaningful connections, it's amazing how we open ourselves up to tremendous possibilities.

00:16:30.302 --> 00:16:42.693
The energy that we bring to these conversations, the belief, the curiosity, the genuine desire to help it becomes the foundation to create those transformations.

00:16:42.693 --> 00:16:54.466
Affirmations not just for her clients, but look also for us.

00:16:54.466 --> 00:17:02.043
And going back to the book and the, the, I'm doing it via a podcast as it was easier than a YouTube video, but the Strangest Secret by Earl Nightingale and Think and Grow Rich.

00:17:02.043 --> 00:17:14.779
That's the entire concepts that they're trying to instill in us through those methods and the reinforcement, the daily reading practices, the daily memorization practices.

00:17:14.779 --> 00:17:29.142
That's all that he's trying to reinforce in those mediums is the self-confidence in ourselves, and through these actions, not only do we bring transformation to our clients, but it transforms our lives as well.

00:17:30.064 --> 00:17:34.673
So I want to leave you with a question what are you focusing on?

00:17:34.673 --> 00:17:41.016
Are you dwelling on obstacles or are you focusing on the opportunities to serve others?

00:17:41.016 --> 00:17:45.221
Are you thinking about scarcity or are you focused on abundance?

00:17:45.221 --> 00:17:57.065
Because what you think about will shape your reality, and in coaching, that reality has the power to shape lives legitimately.

00:17:57.065 --> 00:18:03.567
What resonated in this?

00:18:03.567 --> 00:18:12.230
What questions do you have, or maybe you have an experience with the connections and focus that you'd like to share with me?

00:18:12.490 --> 00:18:14.132
I'd love for you to reach out to me.

00:18:14.132 --> 00:18:22.894
You can connect with me on my socials at Dan Woerheide, on most of them LinkedIn, Instagram and Facebook.

00:18:22.894 --> 00:18:39.141
I've been starting to get more engaged on LinkedIn, so you can certainly find me there, though it's much easier to connect with me on Facebook and or Instagram than LinkedIn as far as what I'm going to respond to the quickest.

00:18:39.141 --> 00:18:39.961
However, that said, if you go to podcast.

00:18:39.961 --> 00:18:39.961
danw.

00:18:39.961 --> 00:18:50.695
us, there's an option there on the page to leave me a voicemail or, even easier than that, you can click at the top of your podcast player.

00:18:50.695 --> 00:19:02.013
There should be a little note that says send Dan a text, send a text to Dan, and you can text me directly through your podcast player and send your notes to me.

00:19:02.013 --> 00:19:10.028
But yeah, if you have questions, you have comments, something that resonated with you, you or you'd like to share your experience?

00:19:10.028 --> 00:19:31.898
I would absolutely love it if you'd take a moment to do that, and until next time, I hope that you'll stay curious, that you'll stay focused and that you will keep diving deep into this journey of building your business, into this journey of building your business.

00:19:31.898 --> 00:19:32.359
So it's really funny.

00:19:32.359 --> 00:19:53.631
I was closing out this podcast and I was getting ready to go into the minimal amount of editing that I do, and before that I went to check my email, and so it's funny because I got an email from the Tony Robbins team and it's relevant to today's show, so I had to come back here and share this quote with you.

00:19:53.631 --> 00:20:04.506
It is a shareable and it might get posted to my socials I'm not sure, but it says, when we activate gratitude, fear and anger disappear.

00:20:04.506 --> 00:20:07.368
Fear and anger disappear.

00:20:07.368 --> 00:20:22.001
It opens us to experience the beauty and joy available in this moment and it says, to share this with someone that you're grateful for this holiday, and that's you.

00:20:22.021 --> 00:20:32.587
If you're listening to this podcast, if you've taken the time you've been one of the few to take the time to share your thoughts with me or to send me a note about any of the topics that I've brought up here so far.

00:20:32.587 --> 00:20:34.690
I's still for you.

00:20:34.690 --> 00:20:55.883
I'm grateful that you're here, I'm grateful that you've taken the time to listen to the words that I am sharing and this medium, and I hope something did resonate with you.

00:20:55.883 --> 00:20:58.528
All right, that's it for today.

00:20:58.528 --> 00:21:06.285
I won't be back again with another random email, but I hope you make it a great week, Thank you.

Coaching Isn’t a Product: Building Relationships and Focus for Success

Listen On

Recent Episodes