Creating Harmony at Home and in Business W/ Joe Pomeroy

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Welcome back to Narrowing the Divide.

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Today I'm pleased to be joined by oh my goodness, by Joe Pomeroy.

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Joe and I have been friends now for a couple years.

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Joe is a podcaster.

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He's also a coach.

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We connected because I was part of the Million Dollar Mastermind with Ray Edwards and as part of or as a member of that mastermind experience and some of the copywriting training that was taking place, I was pleased to be introduced to Joe as my coach through some of those experiences and we have maintained a relationship for it's been about three or four years now.

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Joe, welcome to the show.

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First of all.

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Thank you, Dan.

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I'm excited to be having this conversation with you.

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Me too, and I'll just share.

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I got hung up at the introduction here because, right as the countdown timer was going off, Joe said I'd appreciate some freestyle rap from you too.

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I think all the listeners would.

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I think we all would?

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I don't know, joe, I don't know that anyone would appreciate hearing that from me we'll do that as an.

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We'll do that as an independent episode.

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I apologize for putting you on the spot.

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With that, you can create your own individual episode of Freestyle Rap, and we'll see how that does in downloads.

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I guess I'd have to figure out how to freestyle rap first.

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There is that as a challenge.

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Speaking of challenges, you know you're on the Narrowing the Divide podcast and that's one of the things I really like to dig into.

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You have actually helped me quite a bit with honing in more and more on this podcast into where I want to go.

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We had a conversation just the other day that helped me to see and this isn't about me, but I'll take a minute to help me to see exactly where I'm inspired to be with regards to the content I'm creating and narrowing the divide.

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It wasn't just a random name I came up with.

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There is more to it that I keep uncovering.

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It seems like almost weekly, but I've tuned into the space of what do we call it?

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It's the ugly pieces that people tend to fast forward over were your words and you know, from a major event or a turning point in someone's life into what they're doing now.

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They don't spend much time talking about what that space looked like and what the actual next steps were, so I hope we can get to some of that with you today, joe.

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Well, I'd love for listeners to first hear more about the kind of coaching you do because really you're helping from a holistic perspective to bring families together, families of those people who are also self-employed or entrepreneurs, right.

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Yeah, absolutely.

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You know there's so many, I think so much in the entrepreneurial world.

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We get focused on the business that we're trying to build and so many people that become entrepreneurs that are married, that have kids.

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They want to do it for their family.

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I'm doing this for my family because I want freedom and flexibility of finances, of time, and so it's all about family for them, and yet the family ends up sitting on the wayside while they try, try, try, try, try to build this thing.

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And I think that I've discovered that that's out of order.

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It's out of order based on principles that I believe in and that I've come to discover.

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It's out of order based on my own experiences that I went through and almost losing my marriage and damaging my family, and it's just out of order.

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Because what's the point in building this flexible, multi-million dollar enterprise from the ground up and look what I've done and it's amazing.

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And I've built this and all these people that I get to support and help, and yet I go home and they're strangers or I.

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That's so wonderful.

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I'm my or is going to be, because you just made me reflect on quite a bit.

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You know I've worked with 48 Days in like the career coaching space, among other things, and I think to something that's come across my desk a number of times.

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Actually, I have two thoughts.

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So first one is in any career, we can easily fall into the trap of achieving the next level of success, and what my thought was that then we turn around and we're, you know, 40, 50 years old.

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We look around and there's no one left to cheer for us when we finally feel like we've made it, and it's because of the sacrifices that we choose to make.

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I did that in the military, joe.

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I spent here we go, you ready.

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So in the military, I realized in my divorce in 2017 that part of my contribution to that relationship was focusing on the wrong things.

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I focused on the mission that I was taught to put first.

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Of course, that's sort of the mentality and the approach Mission first.

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We're family-oriented, but only when you have time, type of thing and I believed in that mission and so I put it to the forefront and then, when I turned around, there was nothing there.

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So I get that.

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I had the other thought.

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I lost it so I might come back to it, but I think there's so much value in the work you're doing.

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Oh, the other thought was I had a coaching conversation just yesterday with a young lady and that's one of the things that we together realized in her world is she was burning herself out in work focus and sacrificing health, which also impacted her family, and so we helped shift some of that in our conversation and it was just a delight to see those aha moments.

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So I love the work you're doing.

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I think it's much needed in all kinds of space.

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You know, male, female doesn't matter it's.

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If you're not focusing on family first and building that, then I don't think you can be nearly as successful or reach your maximum potential in business.

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Thoughts.

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Yeah, you know you talked about the cheering you on part, and I think one of the loneliest, difficult things that someone can do is try to build a business.

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I don't think you know people talk about being a solopreneur, an entrepreneur, and it can be.

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You can get very isolated, especially if you're doing something in the online space.

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It's really easy.

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It's been really easy for me to spend an entire week just sitting in my office at my computer and not having any conversations with anybody.

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I mean, that was the norm when I first got started and I think that's true for a lot of entrepreneurs.

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I think that's why you see so many people wanting to jump on webinars or join communities or masterminds or group coaching or things to have that connection, and that's a good thing.

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I don't think that's bad.

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I think that can be very positive and very healthy.

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Dan, I know you've got your mastermind that you're building and developing and the people that you get to serve with that, and that's really useful and really powerful.

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The problem is is that if I am so isolated that I'm reaching out to make connections in all these different groups, then I'm focusing my time on those connections during business hours rather than building my business, and so it can actually become a distraction if not utilized properly.

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You get a whole bunch of cooks in the kitchen you and I have had a conversation about that, it was something that I was struggling with recently and too many cooks in the kitchen, and that's difficult.

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So what if?

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Oh, one more thought on that, actually, before I go into my what if?

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To be focusing on work, and yet they feel guilty that they're missing out on xyz with their kids, or that they ended up breaking abc promise to their spouse, and so there's this like I'm doing this for my family, but I'm not spending any time with my family.

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I don't think anybody's fully oblivious to the idea that they're not pouring into their families, that they're not developing that, that they're not helping with that, and so here I am supposed to be building my business and yet I feel distracted by not having this cheering section or these, this depth of relationship with my family, and it creates difficulty.

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And so what happens then?

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If, on the reverse of, okay, I'm going to be just as intentional with my family and those relationships, and that's where I'm getting my connection, and so then I don't need to go spend all of my business time on courses and communities and bouncing between Facebook groups and, you know, a hundred thousand dollar masterminds or whatever.

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I don't need to do all of that.

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I can be very selective.

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I can choose the right coach, the right community, have that singular element that actually supports and boosts my business, because I get other needs met with my relationships at home and then when I have a bad day, I go.

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I can go and communicate with my wife, I can go play with my kids.

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They're excited to see me.

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It's not like this oh, dad's here, we haven't seen him.

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He's back from this week-long thing that we haven't seen him.

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Oh, but he's only been upstairs in his office.

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There's none of that, and so it creates a totally different mental and emotional dynamic when you prioritize and become intentional with your family first.

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I love so much about what you've said and I just want to add a couple points that I've observed and partially observed in myself.

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I have this immediacy associated with responding to inquiries from people, responding to requests on social media or other things, and I just want to say, because I'm practicing this is it's okay to allow that to sit while you focus on the things that are important.

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Yes, your business is important, but I think, all in all, we're saying here that you know, if it's at the sacrifice of what means the most to you in your personal relationships, then think about that before you decide that something needs to be addressed right now.

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In fact, we have another mutual friend who's a coach, cliff Ravenscraft.

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I just had him on the podcast.

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It was published a couple of weeks ago, I think by the time this comes out, and he didn't talk about this.

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But I've heard him say that there was a point in his career where he had that same immediacy and then he realized well, why?

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Why am I doing that?

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I can submit a help request.

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It's not something that I can directly impact right now.

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Anyway, there was a challenge with something technical.

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It might have been podcast related, but it was impacting his ability to complete a task and I can, instead of submitting a help ticket and then waiting around on fire to ensure I'm there the moment this gets resolved, I can submit my help ticket, still go to dinner and enjoy company with my wife and I'm probably not doing this story enough justice but still go to dinner with my wife, come back and see what the status is.

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I don't have to be there with any kind of immediate need to check on it consistently.

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They're going to do their part, they're going to come back, everything's going to be okay.

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It's just not right this second.

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I think that's a great reminder.

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It is for me.

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So I thought that I'd add that, joe, I like that.

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I want to jump in on two things with that.

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One is the irony of something you said, and then I want to share a story of how I actually overcame that issue myself.

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So the irony in the story is that family's important, work's important, like I love that.

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You said, hey, it's.

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It's not that your business is not important, your business is important, especially if we have, if someone's doing a purpose driven business where they really feel called to do something.

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You know, I don't even know if I want to say especially on that, because I don't care what you're doing.

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If you're trying to build a business that serves other people, it's important.

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But you really clarified something where you said what's most important and there's only the priorities, isn't a word, it's something that we made up.

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It's something that's been added to the dictionary because it got used enough, like for shizzle or something like that.

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Like never in human history was for shizzle a word, but you can go find it in the dictionary now because it's been used enough.

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It's the same with priorities.

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By definition, you can only have one priority and so and I think even with that, there's seasons for things that determine whether it's the most important or important.

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You know, during the day, my family is always most important in terms of how I'm going to prioritize my life and who I'm going to put first.

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And during the day, when I'm doing business, hey, I'm not just going to sit around and we're homeschooling our kids.

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I'm not just going to sit there with my kids and stare at them and be holding my wife's hand while she's trying to teach the kids and be like you guys are most important.

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I can't go anywhere else or do anything else kids and be like you guys are most important.

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I can't go anywhere else or do anything else, like that's, that's not what this is, but it's say, okay, this is a time where I'm going to focus on my business so that I can go full on with my family later today and be present and stuff.

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So it's just, I think, one of the ironies when we're trying to say everything is important.

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Yeah, everything is important, but what's most important and what are you doing to intentionally prioritize that while still meeting your other needs?

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And here's how I overcame a quick story on how I overcame the immediate need to like respond.

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It really is a Pavlov's dog.

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I mean, you can go find any number of studies they've done and any number of stories about the ding that goes off on your phone and the notifications, and how social platforms like specifically adjust when things go out to create the greatest, frankly, the greatest addiction.

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Um, I was gonna say, for lack of a better word, but I actually think that's the most appropriate word I think you're probably right so what I did is is I found my wife and I are driving our kids and in our minivan and I love minivans, so I'm a proud minivan owner um, it's just so practical.

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But I digress.

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So we're driving, we'd be driving in our minivan with our kids, and it's like a text message would pop up or something, and it doesn't matter all the studies about the danger of texting and driving, it doesn't matter, like you know, because everyone's convinced it won't even bring my wife into this.

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I was convinced I could both steer the car, check my phone, I'd look up and down fast enough where I'd be okay, and I was so aware of my surroundings.

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Everything would be fine.

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And then I decided one day and I think it was partially because it's easier to see those things in someone else and I was frustrated that my wife was doing it and I thought, well, that's awfully hypocritical.

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Like she's, I'm doing it.

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And it's like oh, but no, dan, you don't understand.

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It's okay for me to do it because I won't have anything happen, but she shouldn't do it, right, that's it.

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That doesn't work.

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So I decided I just told my kids one day when I was taking them to school, uh, before we were homeschooling, I said hey, kids, if you see my me touch my phone, unless I'm stopped at a red light, if you see me touch my phone, you can just immediately start going precious cargo, precious cargo, precious cargo.

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Okay, and you do that until I put my phone down and um, and then we started doing that phone down and and then we started doing that.

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And then I had to clarify that they needed to do it in a nice tone instead of like a like, because there's like precious cargo.

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Dad and I was like that doesn't work, guys, it's got to be a nice tone.

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But it took, maybe it took.

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Maybe.

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It was pretty instant where I would put down my phone.

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And it took maybe two, two to three weeks for the impulse to go away, even though, like I'd hear something and it'd be like this chemical reaction or something in my body that I wanted to grab it and check it.

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But I knew if I did, my kids would start going precious cargo, precious cargo.

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And it took about three weeks before, like I don't even care, like it doesn't even matter.

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And now that's translated to how I function in business, how I function when I'm not in the car, when I'm at home, if I'm going to go be with my kids, my phone's oftentimes in a different room, not always and if I hear it go off or I hear a text message like my wife or my kids, they'll be like oh, what's that, who's that?

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And I'm like doesn't matter, I'm here with you guys, we're good, and it all came from this one little precious cargo thing.

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I said I wasn't going to do that, but it seemed appropriate.

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I liked it.

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I love that.

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What a great testament to how you overcame that and what a great reminder, because I do believe it only takes a split second right.

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We think we can look down and back up and we're aware enough of our surroundings, but I see it every day and it's a shame.

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So I love that you shared a practical how to, and I hope that someone can take that away, if nothing else, from this conversation.

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I'm taking away that this has already been a lot of fun.

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But no, there's no.

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But I want to do it a little bit.

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I do want to shift gears slightly.

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I want to talk more.

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You mentioned a couple things early on and I'm just going to ask the question you know what led you down this path of coaching?

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Because you said that you know you almost failed in your marriage.

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I don't know if that's exactly how you phrased it failed in your marriage, I don't know if that's exactly how you phrased it.

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But then you also said that you mentioned people who are called to their work, and I'm curious which one that is for you.

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Now, before you answer that, joe, I do want to hit one other thing.

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You brought up some really good points about priorities and this just came to mind.

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I'm not an affiliate for this at all, but I do love Michael Hyatt's full focus planner.

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What I really love about that and it aligns with what you said is it allows you to establish your big three for the day, for your week, and ideally those things align with your annual goals.

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And so each quarter you kind of go through this process of aligning those and then at the start of the week you align those and then the start of each day you have the opportunity to align those and it's really easy for people to get caught up on.

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Here's my big goals for work, but it's really simple to say my big three for the day are finding a way to spend time with what's most important to me, or my family, where, where you are with not where you are, but how you got into the world of coaching and focusing on these family relationships yeah, well, um, I had one little argument with my wife that lasted about 13 seconds and I realized you, you know, if it can happen to me, it can happen to anybody.

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And the rest of my marriage has been perfection.

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I thought I need to teach people how to be perfect like me.

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So that's really what led to this.

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No, not at all, obviously.

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No, it actually.

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So I I've always enjoyed dreaming and imagining and wondering what's possible.

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And then I kind of got introduced to the entrepreneurial mindset.

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Probably my early 20s and I was going to school and I was studying business and man, I loved business.

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I thought about doing psychology, but I got involved in marketing because I want to do something with business and thought about doing psychology, but I got involved in marketing because I want to do something with business and marketing is basically psychology.

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You're using human psychology in order to be able to promote and develop whatever product or business.

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So that was fascinating and all of it made sense.

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And I had a supply chain teacher.

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He was phenomenal in the way he laid things out and I was like, oh yeah, a to B and B to C and C to D.

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And he laid things out and I was like, oh yeah, a to B and B to C and C to D, and oh, it all makes sense, everything, everything makes sense, everything's figureoutable, um, like Marie Forleo or uh says, or whatever.

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So, and um, and then I got married and I thought, hey, piece of cake, like I know how to communicate, I'm a great communicator like consistently being complimented on it.

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And and around the time that I got married, I had uh was only about maybe seven or eight months into helping to build a business from the ground up, uh, and that business was able to build into an eight figure juggernaut.

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And then we were doing.

00:23:03.009 --> 00:23:12.996
We were doing in a single month what most companies do in that industry in one to three years, and we were doing every single month.

00:23:12.996 --> 00:23:15.060
And so I'd helped with that.

00:23:15.060 --> 00:23:17.808
And while I was helping with that, I'm figuring out this marriage thing.

00:23:17.808 --> 00:23:33.284
And I was earning my master's degree in strategic development and I enrolled in an entrepreneurial contest and international contest and got in the top three on that and, you know, won that competition and just all these different things going on.

00:23:34.488 --> 00:23:35.410
And I'm feeling really good.

00:23:35.410 --> 00:23:36.882
Right, I'm getting all this outside praise.

00:23:36.882 --> 00:23:37.784
Oh Joe, you won this.

00:23:37.784 --> 00:23:39.348
You know you won this competition.

00:23:39.348 --> 00:23:40.432
That's awesome, oh Joe.

00:23:40.432 --> 00:23:47.820
Hey, business is building and employees love me and clients love me and I'm the go-to problem solver, like hey.

00:23:47.820 --> 00:23:56.555
If someone comes in angry and frustrated, send them to Joe, because Joe can turn them in from taking, from being frustrated on the call to being a raving fan by the end of it.

00:23:56.555 --> 00:24:00.068
And yet I'm having challenges at home.

00:24:00.068 --> 00:24:13.228
Well, it's obvious, dan, that if all these outside things are going well and yet there's a problem at home, it was clearly my wife Okay, because I do great everywhere else, so clearly she's the problem.

00:24:15.101 --> 00:24:18.268
And was that actually your perspective in the moment?

00:24:18.829 --> 00:24:21.625
Oh yeah, oh yeah, super arrogant.

00:24:21.625 --> 00:24:33.020
I've never really considered myself an arrogant individual but I was absolutely arrogant in that, absolutely.

00:24:33.020 --> 00:24:51.336
And and my, my wife and I for, as introverted as I can be, where I'm like I'm totally good Just sitting to myself, listen to an audio book, you know, the whole week, even before I was married, and like I don't have to go out and do stuff to.

00:24:51.336 --> 00:25:05.901
As extroverted as my wife can be, as extroverted as my wife can be as far as communication goes, like hers just comes natural, like when she feels comfortable and she talks but getting she's not going to get on the debate stage with anybody, she's not going to get in any like that's just not her, she doesn't want to have those conversations.

00:25:05.901 --> 00:25:18.553
Whereas me I'm like, bring it, let's go, um, and so that, because she didn't want to do that, have those conversations where I was like, hey, this isn't working, this element's not working, let's talk about it.

00:25:18.553 --> 00:25:22.369
And she's just like, what do you want me to say?

00:25:22.369 --> 00:25:25.688
Kind of thing that just supported my evidence.

00:25:25.688 --> 00:25:30.128
I mean, I'm this great communicator.

00:25:30.128 --> 00:25:31.545
She was clearly the problem.

00:25:31.545 --> 00:25:45.164
Well, that kind of arrogance doesn't serve a marriage well, doesn't serve love well, it doesn't serve service well.

00:25:47.409 --> 00:26:00.816
And the truth of the matter was is that I had some skeletons in my closet that I believed, once she knew of those challenges from my past and even some things in my present, that she was going to leave me anyway.

00:26:00.816 --> 00:26:03.163
So I was only half.

00:26:03.163 --> 00:26:10.346
I was, you know, I had one foot out just in case, just in case, and one night everything came.

00:26:10.346 --> 00:26:16.744
We're arguing about something that was so important I'm not exactly sure what it was Important to whom yeah, ironic.

00:26:16.744 --> 00:26:18.635
Exactly sure what it was important?

00:26:18.635 --> 00:26:19.440
Yeah, oh, ironic.

00:26:19.440 --> 00:26:22.605
Well, I was being ironic, dan it it?

00:26:22.605 --> 00:26:28.730
It was quote, unquote so important that right now I don't remember exactly what it was.

00:26:28.730 --> 00:26:35.750
It had something to do with she wanted to do something and I didn't want to do that thing, and but she said so-and-so, said we should do it.

00:26:35.750 --> 00:26:46.607
I don't even remember what it was and yet at the moment it felt so important that we just got in this big old argument and it wasn't our first but this argument.

00:26:47.090 --> 00:26:59.926
I got so frustrated that I turned around and we were in our upstairs hallway and we had some cupboards that lined one of the walls of the hallway and I was barefooted and I just threw this to my embarrassment.

00:26:59.926 --> 00:27:27.634
I threw this man-sized fit and kicked in the cupboard door with my barefoot and I'm just holding on to the top and I'm just kicking it with my barefoot and my wife walks behind me and heads downstairs and I can't really hear anything until I'm done throwing my tantrum and the cupboard door is destroyed and it's hanging by one screw left on the top like there's like this L shape and the rest of it's just obliterated all over the upstairs hallway and as I stop and start to catch my breath, I hear her grabbing her keys.

00:27:27.634 --> 00:27:32.849
She's leaving, she's headed for the door and the other thing that happened is that the adrenaline faded away.

00:27:32.849 --> 00:27:35.728
I felt this throbbing pain pulse up from my heel.

00:27:35.728 --> 00:27:38.055
Happen is that the adrenaline faded away.

00:27:38.055 --> 00:27:58.163
I felt this throbbing pain pulse up from my heel and I looked down and I've got a chopstick sized piece of wood sticking out of my foot and I kind of hobble over and I'm trying to pull it out but I can't quite get it and I'm not fully focused because I'm still flustered and she's headed and I'm like she's leaving, like I didn't really want her to leave, I didn't really think.

00:27:58.163 --> 00:28:13.492
You know, I was just saying things because I was angry, right and um, and I, like I sit down at the top of the stairs and I've got blood dripping down under our carpet and she's opening the door and I know I have to say something, but I don't know what to say.

00:28:18.000 --> 00:28:39.212
Dan, I think most of the time as entrepreneurs we talked earlier in our conversation about priorities, what's important, what's most important and I think most of the time we have an idea of what we think is most important but we haven't really sat down and committed to what's most important.

00:28:39.212 --> 00:28:50.752
We haven't really taken the time to develop this vision of our future, what we actually want, what fits into it and why things are or are not as important as others.

00:28:50.752 --> 00:29:09.151
And in this moment, as I'm sitting there, it was like everything slowed way down and just in my mind, I'm just all these images of experiences we'd already had together, laughing and smiling and joking, and experiences.

00:29:09.151 --> 00:29:18.571
I wanted to have places that I've been, like New Zealand or other places that I wanted to be able to share with her and show her, and all these different things.

00:29:18.571 --> 00:29:27.528
And I realized what I wanted was a happy, healthy marriage and I wanted her, not just a marriage.

00:29:27.528 --> 00:29:37.994
I wanted her and I needed to say something, and me as the great communicator was going to come up with something fabulous no, I didn't say something.

00:29:37.994 --> 00:29:42.560
And me, as the great communicator was going to come up with something fabulous no, I didn't.

00:29:42.560 --> 00:29:45.164
I just opened my mouth and it came out sloppy and ugly.

00:29:45.164 --> 00:29:46.748
And wait, wait, please wait, don't go, I need help.

00:29:46.748 --> 00:29:57.232
And then, like, she just stood there for a minute at the door the door's partway open she's just standing there and I don't know what she's going to do.

00:29:59.401 --> 00:30:05.554
It's in these moments that I think we really have the opportunity to decide what's truly most important, what's truly most valuable.

00:30:05.554 --> 00:30:11.532
In these potential moments of loss we talk about, people run away from pain and they move towards pleasure.

00:30:11.532 --> 00:30:20.547
Pain is always the more powerful driver, and it wasn't until I faced this moment of losing it that I really understood how much I wanted it.

00:30:20.547 --> 00:30:34.527
And, to my wife's credit, she closed the door and she turned around and she came upstairs, pulled the chopstick out of my foot and we just kind of sat there because now what?

00:30:34.527 --> 00:30:41.570
I didn't know what to do at that point, but I knew I was committed to figuring it out.

00:30:41.570 --> 00:30:44.826
And then there's the part I fast forward for.

00:30:44.826 --> 00:30:48.685
So that's my catalyst story, right, if we're going and we're talking about narrowing the divide.

00:30:48.685 --> 00:30:52.599
Dan, that's my catalyst story, the thing that really turned everything around.

00:30:52.599 --> 00:30:54.949
Then I fast forward and now I'm this awesome, amazing coach.

00:31:03.859 --> 00:31:04.321
That's great, joe.

00:31:04.321 --> 00:31:05.003
No, we're not going to do that.

00:31:05.003 --> 00:31:16.854
I'm going to challenge you here because, first of all, there's a lot to be said about that story and I know that we could go so many places just from what you've shared there.

00:31:16.854 --> 00:31:19.904
There were, I imagine, so many different.

00:31:19.904 --> 00:31:27.980
Well, you've already shared different moments in that particular instance that occurred and that were a catalyst.

00:31:27.980 --> 00:31:46.326
So I want to commend you first of all for recognizing in that moment what it was you really truly wanted to commit to with regards to your marriage and the need to open your mouth and say something, and I love that.

00:31:47.461 --> 00:32:00.621
I recognize in some of that story different moments in my life and what stands out really is, you know, tony Robbins training the how to create lasting change.

00:32:00.621 --> 00:32:20.961
It's a 10 day training Again, not an affiliate, just sharing an experience, but I believe in there he's taught, taught, taught, teaches, teaches about the need to face, teaches about the need to face.

00:32:20.961 --> 00:32:30.028
If we want to create change, there has to be an immediate pain associated with the thing we want to change, and then we have to identify what it's going to take to turn that into immediate pleasure as a replacement.

00:32:30.028 --> 00:32:32.681
So and there's a lot more that goes into that.

00:32:32.681 --> 00:32:38.193
I'm not qualified to teach that in the moment, but working on it anyway.

00:32:38.193 --> 00:32:40.452
I love that you pointed that piece out.

00:32:40.452 --> 00:32:41.519
I think it's so important.

00:32:41.519 --> 00:32:45.464
So now you're in this place of these are the things that I want.

00:32:45.464 --> 00:32:50.692
Well, the marriage at the moment is what you wanted to commit to changing.

00:32:50.692 --> 00:32:53.648
And then what was next?

00:32:55.679 --> 00:33:08.934
Well, I didn't have any clue where to begin and you know, I think my Christian upbringing had, because we'd been married for several years.

00:33:08.934 --> 00:33:30.753
At this point, and you know, dan, if I just prayed harder, if I just read my scriptures more, if I just had more faith, and I believe that for me, god is the ultimate healer.

00:33:30.753 --> 00:33:34.406
For me, true healing comes through God.

00:33:34.406 --> 00:33:35.931
For me, true healing comes through God.

00:33:35.931 --> 00:33:54.215
And yet I was bringing so much baggage and so much preconceived notions into my relationship with God and how I viewed who I was in Him that I wasn't actually able to do that in my marriage.

00:33:54.215 --> 00:34:04.739
And I also, if you break your arm, do I believe that someone in the name of God could heal your arm instantly?

00:34:04.739 --> 00:34:05.739
Yes, I believe that.

00:34:05.739 --> 00:34:24.172
But I also believe God has inspired modern medicine and doctors and a pathway that we can go and receive healing, and the body in itself is miraculous, and so I don't think to embrace one, you have to abandon the other.

00:34:24.172 --> 00:34:29.891
And so, at this moment, I needed more than just prayer.

00:34:29.891 --> 00:34:37.353
I needed more than just this instant miraculous healing.

00:34:37.353 --> 00:34:41.351
I had wounds that I'd created in our relationship that needed to be healed.

00:34:41.351 --> 00:34:43.708
I had wounds from my past that needed to be healed.

00:34:43.708 --> 00:34:58.780
I didn't know these terms at the time, Dan, I wouldn't have been able to tell you what it was at that time, and so what I did is I reached out to someone I trusted who had had similar experiences.

00:34:58.780 --> 00:35:13.411
It was a very good friend of mine His name is Colby Giles and one of the most important friends I've had in my entire life and I reached out to him and I said, hey, this happened.

00:35:13.411 --> 00:35:30.655
This is where I'm at, I have no idea what I'm doing and he had the thankfully, he had the wisdom to offer his own from his own experience.

00:35:30.655 --> 00:35:54.447
And I'm intentionally phrasing it like this, because I'm willing to bet that, as most people are listening to this, that there is someone they know that they have felt impressed to turn to, someone that they know that they may end up feeling impressed to turn to.

00:35:54.447 --> 00:36:01.331
People in listening to this conversation may feel impressed to reach out to you, dan, or further engage with you, or reach out to me and further engage with me.

00:36:01.331 --> 00:36:20.304
But there's these impressions that come that can be supports in our lives and so I'm phrasing it the way I am intentionally and there's also impressions that will come for us to give support and give help, and that comes up later for me in my story of why I became a coach and things like that.

00:36:21.128 --> 00:36:32.014
So I reached out to this friend and he said hey, I started doing this program and I think it would be really good, really really helpful, for you and your wife.

00:36:32.014 --> 00:36:35.099
It's something that you start out as couples and then you kind of do some individual work, you and your wife.

00:36:35.099 --> 00:36:37.820
It's something that you start out as couples and then you kind of do some individual work.

00:36:37.820 --> 00:36:39.362
And I said, okay, you know, give me the info.

00:36:39.362 --> 00:36:43.923
And he gave me the info and I looked it up and I was like that's expensive.

00:36:43.923 --> 00:36:48.777
Hmm, right here I am, my wife's headed out the door.

00:36:48.818 --> 00:36:50.222
I have no idea how to be married.

00:36:50.222 --> 00:36:51.606
I've already invested so much.

00:36:51.606 --> 00:36:52.750
You know how expensive.

00:36:52.750 --> 00:36:58.050
Well, you know how expensive divorce can be, dan, not just paying for the divorce, but the divide of things.

00:36:58.050 --> 00:37:03.608
And that's only the temporal, financial aspects of it, let alone the mental, emotional.

00:37:03.608 --> 00:37:09.516
And it was, I think it was like six hundred dollars, uh, six hundred dollars a person.

00:37:09.516 --> 00:37:11.047
So I think it was like twelve600, $600 a person, so I think it was like 1200 bucks.

00:37:11.047 --> 00:37:13.672
And I was like, oh, I don't know, that's a lot of money.

00:37:13.672 --> 00:37:16.791
You know well what's it worth to you.

00:37:16.791 --> 00:37:22.597
What's it worth to you to achieve to obtain what you truly actually want.

00:37:22.597 --> 00:37:29.277
What's it worth to you to know that you've given everything you could possibly give to figure this out?

00:37:30.106 --> 00:37:32.806
And I went oh, oh, more than twelve hundred dollars.

00:37:32.806 --> 00:37:35.652
Okay, it's your call, man, just letting you know.

00:37:35.652 --> 00:37:44.581
And I did, and we, and we got signed up for that and um, this is all part of the story I normally don't tell.

00:37:44.581 --> 00:37:48.289
So the program was actually an addiction recovery program.

00:37:48.289 --> 00:37:57.556
Um, I had been hiding an addiction from my wife, um, or claiming it wasn't an addiction and that I was fine, whatever.

00:37:58.146 --> 00:37:58.346
Sure.

00:37:58.907 --> 00:37:59.809
And so we were going.

00:37:59.809 --> 00:38:00.952
We were going to this program.

00:38:00.952 --> 00:38:11.679
If we signed up for this thing, that was too expensive but then really was a drop in the bucket compared to what I was willing to give for my marriage and my family.

00:38:11.679 --> 00:38:15.411
And Dan, I was terrified I would know somebody.

00:38:15.411 --> 00:38:33.489
When I walked into this room and I was like I really hope I don't know anybody, because I don't want to have to acknowledge to anybody in my normal world that I'm in an addiction recovery program and so I'm just walking in, I'm trying not to make eye contact with anybody.

00:38:33.489 --> 00:38:36.829
I'm hoping you know, angle my head a certain way and if there is somebody, I won't know and whatever.

00:38:36.829 --> 00:38:41.405
There's probably about 15 couples in the room, 12 to 15 couples in the room.

00:38:41.405 --> 00:38:52.201
And immediately I knew one of the couples and they went to my church and I was like oh shoot, what does this mean for everybody in the church?

00:38:52.201 --> 00:38:54.155
And I was like, oh shoot, what does this mean for everybody in the church?

00:38:54.155 --> 00:38:54.985
And then I knew another couple.

00:38:54.985 --> 00:39:07.733
They were a friend of mine's parents and I was like, and at first I was so focused on me and then I thought, you know, I bet they're thinking and feeling the same things and I ultimately decided I am here for me.

00:39:07.733 --> 00:39:18.298
It does not matter what anybody else says or what anybody else thinks, I am here for me so that I can receive healing and for my wife so that our family can receive healing.

00:39:18.298 --> 00:39:28.233
And once I made that focus, it became easier, it became simpler.

00:39:28.233 --> 00:39:33.056
It was still hard, but that's how that journey began.

00:39:33.445 --> 00:39:42.217
It was in that program, a group version, and then individual sessions, marriage counseling, group coaching.

00:39:42.217 --> 00:39:50.775
That followed that for about three years and as I'm going through this program, there are a lot of really successful people in there.

00:39:50.775 --> 00:39:59.384
I tell you, dan, I don't know why, there were a lot of dentists in there, but there were lots of business owners.

00:39:59.384 --> 00:40:18.235
Actually, I think in the group element there was about 10 men that were in this group element and about seven or eight of them were business owners or building businesses and which I think that goes to say something.

00:40:18.275 --> 00:40:28.331
But and one day I was really irritated because this guy was complaining about the same thing that he complained the week before and he wasn't getting it.

00:40:28.331 --> 00:40:34.351
And it seemed really obvious to me and I think, frankly, I was frustrated with my own behavior recently.

00:40:34.351 --> 00:40:44.835
And um, and he starts and I and he's talking and I go hey, can I you open a feedback and ask permission?

00:40:44.835 --> 00:40:45.637
You open a feedback.

00:40:45.637 --> 00:40:46.445
And he's like yeah.

00:40:46.445 --> 00:41:02.416
And I said okay, if, if this was a business situation, and I started to describe the situation that he was frustrated about and didn't know how to make it work in terms of his business and he goes oh, that's easy, I would do ABC.

00:41:02.416 --> 00:41:08.260
And I said okay, what does ABC look like in your home?

00:41:08.260 --> 00:41:11.121
And he and like ding, light bulb.

00:41:11.623 --> 00:41:11.822
Yeah.

00:41:12.827 --> 00:41:17.235
And then I thought, huh, maybe that's how I get past these next roadblocks.

00:41:17.235 --> 00:41:27.916
I'll take business principles that I've spent years learning and implementing and that makes sense to me, and I'm going to translate them to do better in my home.

00:41:27.916 --> 00:41:48.155
And it was around that time, dan, I realized I wasn't a stellar communicator, but I am a stellar translator, and so I can translate things that are familiar to people into something that helps them take those next steps, and that was a catalyst for becoming a coach.

00:41:51.460 --> 00:41:52.601
What a powerful story.

00:41:52.601 --> 00:41:57.076
And you said something just a few minutes ago about normalcy.

00:41:57.076 --> 00:42:00.815
Right, what was normal in your world right before you walked into the room?

00:42:00.815 --> 00:42:17.193
I hope I don't know anyone characterized that, I think, very well by reflecting on the thought that they too might be feeling in that moment the exact same thing.

00:42:17.193 --> 00:42:20.929
So I want to say you know, there's been a big challenge in the mental health space.

00:42:20.929 --> 00:42:40.298
I can speak to it from the military in particular, people coming out of the military with different traumas and normalizing mental health and and finding a resource, like you and your wife found that is going to help.

00:42:40.298 --> 00:42:44.137
It is, is and should be normalized.

00:42:44.137 --> 00:42:47.893
So I appreciate you pointing that piece out.

00:42:47.932 --> 00:42:58.291
I wanted to highlight it but what a tremendous journey of hardship and insights along the way.

00:42:58.291 --> 00:43:08.920
That all led to what coaching is really about it's learning and then being able to share the insights from our experiences.

00:43:08.920 --> 00:43:12.282
And, like you, I am a translator.

00:43:12.282 --> 00:43:20.099
I tend to help people take complex ideas and problem solve them and relay them in simple terms.

00:43:20.099 --> 00:43:23.329
Obviously, I do a lot, much, a lot, much more.

00:43:23.329 --> 00:43:29.686
There we go Words I do, yeah, exactly, I do a lot more than that.

00:43:29.686 --> 00:43:43.581
But you know, that's that is certainly one of the pieces that I recognized and other people helped me to recognize that I bring is being able to take those complex ideas and terms and break them down simply.

00:43:43.581 --> 00:43:47.567
All right, so you've gone through these challenges.

00:43:47.567 --> 00:43:48.608
Right, so you've gone through these challenges.

00:43:48.608 --> 00:43:56.298
First of all, you know, at that point it sounds like that program was extremely beneficial for you in your relationship with your wife.

00:43:56.298 --> 00:43:57.139
Is that fair to say?

00:44:10.585 --> 00:44:11.949
Absolutely yeah, and we're doing a lot of programs simultaneously.

00:44:11.949 --> 00:44:12.791
Hold Me Tight is an amazing program.

00:44:12.791 --> 00:44:14.096
I'm not an affiliate for that, dan.

00:44:14.096 --> 00:44:16.342
We may need to become affiliates for a lot of these things we're throwing out there, um, but yeah, there's I.

00:44:16.342 --> 00:44:41.278
I essentially, uh, in the last, for over a period of about eight years, I invested um close to a thousand hours and over one hundred thousand dollars actually well over a thousand hours, closer to 1500 hours and well over $100,000 in learning what I learned, both in business and in the psychological elements.

00:44:45.425 --> 00:44:48.449
I yes, I mean I.

00:44:48.789 --> 00:44:56.179
I find I haven't really done the numbers, so to speak, but I've certainly invested quite a lot over the last.

00:44:58.126 --> 00:45:14.349
Well, if I were to count what the Army invested for me, it would be the same as if I had invested it for myself, except there's no monetary attachment for me personally, so I often don't think about adding that, but it's very true.

00:45:14.349 --> 00:45:38.177
They spent a lot of money investing in me, in my growth and all of the things that led me to where I'm at today, but then personally invested, you know, since 2012, in my own development and coaching experiences and trainings and education Many, many pieces that fit into the puzzle of what I'm able to bring to the table.

00:45:38.177 --> 00:45:39.931
So I can certainly relate to that.

00:45:39.931 --> 00:45:43.534
Now, I don't like to make assumptions.

00:45:43.534 --> 00:46:05.715
Sometimes I do that, of course, but with your coaching, I certainly believe I see a tie to why it is you have chosen to focus on families in the work you're doing, and that tie to business is definitely there.

00:46:05.715 --> 00:46:14.289
Is that a fair statement, though, to say that your own story is kind of what led you to the focus on the family piece?

00:46:15.413 --> 00:46:20.266
absolutely, um, realizing, okay, we, we have these blind spots, right.

00:46:20.266 --> 00:46:31.623
There's someone phrased it once and I don't know where I originally heard this, but we can't read the label from inside the bottle and and so having somebody there to help us.

00:46:31.623 --> 00:46:40.425
And the other thing is is I mean, think about what I first told my friend $1,200, that's too expensive, right?

00:46:40.425 --> 00:47:00.485
Who's got eight years and $100,000 to figure out a marriage or your family when your kids are moving into their teens and you've got very little time left to strengthen that relationship before they're finding it wherever else?

00:47:00.485 --> 00:47:03.313
And your wife's headed out the door, like mine was.

00:47:03.313 --> 00:47:03.612
You don't.

00:47:03.612 --> 00:47:07.510
You don't have eight years, most people don't have a hundred thousand dollars.

00:47:07.510 --> 00:47:19.619
But I could do one thing at that time to start that journey and develop that journey, and if I can help people avoid that, then absolutely.

00:47:21.646 --> 00:47:22.717
That's so great, Joe.

00:47:22.717 --> 00:47:31.719
I appreciate that, and I happen to know that you have a lot of other skills that go beyond the family piece and and move into the business.

00:47:31.719 --> 00:47:33.530
You're a copywriting coach.

00:47:35.235 --> 00:47:37.393
Um, I can coach on copywriting.

00:47:37.393 --> 00:47:41.490
I did that a lot through, uh Ray Edwards that you mentioned earlier.

00:47:41.490 --> 00:47:47.875
Um, so I'm critiquing copy it really anything to help somebody build a business.

00:47:47.875 --> 00:47:55.940
It doesn't matter what their business is, but the, the principles are the same, the principles, and they go both ways.

00:47:55.940 --> 00:48:12.844
I learned business first almost at the expense of my family and was able to translate business principles to helping my family or to helping better understand what was required to grow and develop a healthy family, what was required to grow and develop a healthy family.

00:48:12.844 --> 00:48:26.204
And then now I've realized that between those two things, if people will focus on the family aspects first and that let me clarify real quick First doesn't mean I'm going to stop everything in my business.

00:48:26.326 --> 00:48:27.871
I'm going to stop producing content.

00:48:27.871 --> 00:48:28.831
I'm going to stop trying to set appointment.

00:48:28.831 --> 00:48:29.516
I'm going to stop getting clients.

00:48:29.516 --> 00:48:30.543
I'm going to stop trying to set appointment.

00:48:30.543 --> 00:48:32.289
I'm going to stop getting clients.

00:48:32.289 --> 00:48:34.014
I'm going to stop having an opt-in page.

00:48:34.014 --> 00:48:34.817
I'm going to stop like.

00:48:34.817 --> 00:48:36.268
That's not what that means.

00:48:36.268 --> 00:48:50.811
What that means is that you become very intentional with the time that you put into your family and you become very, you become more intentional in the time you put into your business.

00:48:50.811 --> 00:48:52.335
It's ironic.

00:48:52.335 --> 00:49:00.277
People think I need to build my business first, and then they're willing to open up seven days a week, every waking hour, to building their business.

00:49:00.277 --> 00:49:06.797
But it wouldn't be any healthier to do that solely with your family.

00:49:06.797 --> 00:49:12.976
And so the idea here is that you're doing both, but you're doing it.

00:49:12.976 --> 00:49:13.297
Now.

00:49:13.297 --> 00:49:18.788
What you've been saying, what people have been saying for so many years, sam, I'm building this business for my family.

00:49:18.788 --> 00:49:21.875
I'm building this for the opportunities it would create for us.

00:49:21.875 --> 00:49:24.268

Creating Harmony at Home and in Business W/ Joe Pomeroy

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